Sunday, 28 September 2014

Feed my cat softfood, feed my fish your cum

Need help feeding my pets (Toronto)

compensation: $20 a day
I'm leaving town Wednesday for a week and I need someone to feed my fish and cat. I'd like to meet first to chat and get to know you and we can talk about details. Men only. I'd like someone to be able to come in the morning and early evening.

The cat likes soft food. Does not need attention.

The fish, a clown fish and a goldfish, eat mostly cum. They go crazy for it! So you will HAVE to jerk off into the tank. Magazines or wi fi password will be provided

$20 a day.

Contact by text message please 

http://toronto.craigslist.ca/tor/dmg/4688987849.html

Wow you can get $20/day to do this, only in Toronto.

Friday, 6 September 2013

Seeking VERY open minded babysitter

Only apply if you are 'open minded'

Female only, teenage preferred.

Looking for a babysitter for my son and daughter. Can pay hourly and looking for evenings and weekends. Near downtown.

Someone who likes diapers preferred and someone who is open minded to cross dressers.

Please email me with why I should pick you.

The more open minded the better.
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  • Compensation: 20$/hour

Sunday, 1 September 2013

Hey geeks--Insert your male connector into my software

You geeks fuck better than jocks any day. So if your two external storage devices are signalling to your CPU that it's time to commence a data upload, consider inserting your male connector into my software. Of course the fit most likely won't be perfect at first, so you'll need to withdraw and re-insert hundreds, perhaps thousands of times until connectivity is achieved, my circuitry goes into an infinite loop, your motherboard overheats, my loud speakers start spewing out filthy garbage, your hard drive motor spins out of of control, and all your hundreds of millions of 1's and 0's start overflowing my data receptacle. I'm a 1987 model year with parts made in Asia and North America. I interface well with models from any continent, as long as you perform regular maintenance on your equipment, have a solid state chassis, and pack lots of RAM! Send me some technical specs and Visio diagrams if you want to move this functional design document into full production mode. End of message.

To the woman I accidentally punched - m4w

It was last Saturday and I was at the bar. My shitty boss made me work late Friday and then early Saturday morning. Then I was laid off at the end of the day. Needless to say I was pretty upset and in need of a good long night at the bar. 

I got there straight from work at 6.30 and sat at the bar. You were a few stools down and there was a few people between us. About 11.30 there was only a few of us left and you moved down to the stool next to me and we casually chatted for the next hour before you started making advances at me. First off, I was very drunk at this point. That's important for you to understand. 

Now, one of two things went horribly wrong here. Either I was so drunk that anything I said was impossible to understand or you were too drunk to put two and two together. You see, when I kept saying things like "thank you but I'm not like that" and "I'm not gay" it's because I thought you were a man. So naturally when you(who I thought was a man) tried to kiss me I believed it was time to fight and I punched you. I admit I SHOULD NOT have tried any wwe moves after that but I'm not a very good fighter and I was in attack mode. 

Enter the large biker type guys playing pool in the back. If I would have known they were your brothers, I would've made out with you even if I thought you were a dude. Long story short, I hope that my 3 broken ribs and my missing tooth(it's right in the front by the way) are enough to make us even. I would still like to be friends and hopefully we can look back on this and laugh one day. I don't want to date but we can drink beer and lift weights or fish or something. Hope to hear from you

Kick me in my balls for pay (PLEASE READ) (Toronto )

Ladies of Toronto, if you are going to kick a guy in the balls, at least get paid for it.  Contact this guy.

Hello, If you are young, cute and want to experiment kicking/punching a guy in his balls and give feedback for $$ message me LOL. Shoot me a reply. Young students preferred. Must have a location. Feel free to ask questions. NO escorts or men please. It should be fun lol. And hey, easy money. $80 compensation

-MUST HOST
-NO ESCORTS, DOMME PROFESSIONALS, OR MEN PLEASE


http://toronto.en.craigslist.ca/tor/tlg/4038711654.html